update after January 2019:
- I went back to ANU, got serious (like almost fatal) anxiety and depression attacks (ya, it fucking happened again, I hate this handicapped life), decided to come back to Malaysia.
- Still under a great shock, but was forced into a false belief that if I don't get into some shape immediately, my life will be doomed forever. So, I accepted a job offer as a Japanese-speaking Payroll Analyst with OSHRS.
- Finally decided to quit the job after learning how to use their payroll system for Credit Suisse Japan and some surface knowledge on what is 'payroll'.
- Enjoyed working for Steam Bun light novel as a full time translator before everything went straight down.
- Had a huge fist fight on 30 December and that's when everything went terribly wrong. The same day was when I had a first taste of being an interpreter, it felt good.
- Grandpa called police and I was fucking arrested and sent into a psychiatric ward for 5 fucking days right before Chinese New Year on 2020. (19 to 23 January)
- Travelling alone and Chinese New Year alone in Taiwan.
- Started Master in UM and started to work as Personal Trainer with Celebrity Fitness Mid Valley.
- Covid-19 worldwide pandemic ruined everything and took away my job and a hard-won direction in my life again...
- Oh, I broke up after 6 years and went all crazy with my lust and discovered a new life as a play girl. I am damn serious.
So now, have been stuck at home since 18 March 2020. Wow... a hell lot has happened.
Back to square one again, but at least I am still holding tight (hopefully) on the master degree and a life with my grandparents... I assume myself to have no one else in this world to turn to anymore. 靠山山倒，靠人人跑。
Every since the start of MCO (movement control order), and maybe after losing my job again, I could feel that I lost my motivation again. What makes me excited to wake up everyday? It used to be learning, learning new things, learning languages, communication with people. Haven't been doing all these for 2 months plus now, and I have lost my loyal follower after the painful break up... I can't feel the excitement anymore... UM course is not giving me enough intellectual stimulation, doing worse when everything is moved online.
Look at all the excuses, such a pathetic loser.
I guess... I will still be running away for some time. Going to gym, participating in physical movement related classes, being a full time student, hunting for a next relationship... until... I feel 'new' again....
What a pathetic loser.
Well, the bright side is that, I no longer feel guilty nor anxious about being one. I have finally accepted that I have a super problematic mental condition (probably by birth and there's nothing much I can do to get rid of it completely), and I don't have to feel responsible or work my fucking ass off trying to hide this =)
