PLEASE dont judge and DO NOT spread

I have not done my revision today, one last lecture recording left for personality psychology module, but I felt the urge to write something!

So I logged out from the public computer and rushed back to my room, I think maybe it is good to revise the lecture content in this way too?

Ok, here is my story, it is again about my past in Taiwan.
I need to clarify, although I write something today, I will never ever admit I have mental illness or such. Although this story might sound rationally supported the fact that I have some problem but FUCKING NO.

The lecture recording I just finished was about abnormal psychology, the part which urge me to write this blog was about Psychotic disoder. There are 2 mental illness(?)(I am really not good in memorising the title ORZ) which can be categorised under this personality disorder type: Psychosis and schizophrenia. Psychosis is an umbrella term meaning a person is somehow breaking from reality, not holding to the 'normal' life. There are certain categories need to be fulfilled in order to be diagnosed as schizophrenia, which are delusion, hallucination, and...shit I forgot...

I can remember 2 of the delusion symptoms very clearly, and you probably can tell why as you are now reading 'my story'.
The first one is persecution delusion: The false taught of one could be harm or encounter with hostile actions by others. I did felt a particular level of anxiety before when I was in the student residential hall, when I was the only one in the room and I tried to calm my anger towards the stupid school.
I can't explain why but I taught 'they' were observing and judging me 24 hours a day as they really did some mean diagnosis on me. Those mean acts cost my family about RM5000? And their decision had seriously assaulted me.
The second one is reference delusion: The irrational perception of the attention from irrelevant others. I cant explain why, maybe because the high level of loneliness and helplessness, I once persuade myself that the baseball players on TV were winking at me LOL

I was not anyway close to be problematic and ill, NO. Well, the way I am speaking now has its own theory too haha: External locus of control: blaming others and the world for an event. I would not admit this, because it was actually, genuinely their fault. But the external locus of control is linked with the optimistic explainary personality...which is a good thing maybe...

I hope that one day, and I hope it will not be too far away, when I can go back and prove to that stupid but most loved country that I can do things.

星期一只有夜晚蓝蓝的

为了阻止自己一直看fb，我只好找点事情做……
文康的考试快到了，也开始卢了……
我又何尝不是呢
一直一直都没心去读，真不知道到时候怎么去考

两天就这么过去了
昨天真的没做什么，就去帮协洧搬家去Fenner
hui yee煮的家传意大利面好好吃~大概是因为放蛮多油和盐的
一边看着一边想着自己搬过去的日子
发现自己想依赖的心真的好强烈……
16、7岁的时候是粘着凯莹
18岁的时候很孤单
19岁开始身边有了他
20岁的下半年我又来到这个不飘雪也冷得要命，冬天紧接热的要死的夏天的国家……
我不喜欢一个人……但是我的占有欲强到连自己都怕
如果不能完全属于我，那么我就一个个都礼貌微笑带过
很难深交……

计划着自己近期的未来，发现身边没个肯定的ta，就会有种失落感
无论如何，这是我的选择

昨天敷衍着做完了最后一篇的中文短文，今天敷衍着干完倒数第二篇的中文作业
太过简单的课程，没有挑战性，也好……省时间
今早结束了最后的心理学小测验
然后……没有然后了
为什么昨晚睡了7小时还是疲惫地连文字也要拖曳？老了？

好想跳过期末考直接开始下学期
想说下学期应该更有条理，更有个性
人生真的在一天一天之间溜走了，前方看起来巨大的
隔天就是背后的回忆
天天快乐很重要，但是我今天好累哦

Monday blue？

紫色头发飘扬在夏天的风里

淡淡的暖流勾引着汗水

一圈又一圈漫无目的

就这么任性游览

社会架构的习俗意义重大

大到模糊了昼夜的本意

大到无意间都能套上具倾向的形容词

静静的沐浴在空间之内

平凡又平凡的一天

过去了