PLEASE dont judge and DO NOT spread

I have not done my revision today, one last lecture recording left for personality psychology module, but I felt the urge to write something!

So I logged out from the public computer and rushed back to my room, I think maybe it is good to revise the lecture content in this way too?

Ok, here is my story, it is again about my past in Taiwan.
I need to clarify, although I write something today, I will never ever admit I have mental illness or such. Although this story might sound rationally supported the fact that I have some problem but FUCKING NO.

The lecture recording I just finished was about abnormal psychology, the part which urge me to write this blog was about Psychotic disoder. There are 2 mental illness(?)(I am really not good in memorising the title ORZ) which can be categorised under this personality disorder type: Psychosis and schizophrenia. Psychosis is an umbrella term meaning a person is somehow breaking from reality, not holding to the 'normal' life. There are certain categories need to be fulfilled in order to be diagnosed as schizophrenia, which are delusion, hallucination, and...shit I forgot...

I can remember 2 of the delusion symptoms very clearly, and you probably can tell why as you are now reading 'my story'.
The first one is persecution delusion: The false taught of one could be harm or encounter with hostile actions by others. I did felt a particular level of anxiety before when I was in the student residential hall, when I was the only one in the room and I tried to calm my anger towards the stupid school.
I can't explain why but I taught 'they' were observing and judging me 24 hours a day as they really did some mean diagnosis on me. Those mean acts cost my family about RM5000? And their decision had seriously assaulted me.
The second one is reference delusion: The irrational perception of the attention from irrelevant others. I cant explain why, maybe because the high level of loneliness and helplessness, I once persuade myself that the baseball players on TV were winking at me LOL

I was not anyway close to be problematic and ill, NO. Well, the way I am speaking now has its own theory too haha: External locus of control: blaming others and the world for an event. I would not admit this, because it was actually, genuinely their fault. But the external locus of control is linked with the optimistic explainary personality...which is a good thing maybe...

I hope that one day, and I hope it will not be too far away, when I can go back and prove to that stupid but most loved country that I can do things.